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[x] tanENGSING


[x] [<3(GIRLFRIEND <3 ME)]
[x] ???FAMILY (=

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[x] HER


* E444


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Monday, November 19, 2007
we even lost sight of things we've seen before,

i was asked to be a good listener and accompanied to watched the sunrise. i agreed, knowing my condition was kinda unstable. when i left home and looked at the blurish sky ahead of me, the rain has been a hassle these few days. i nearly got shock by lightning on sunday too -.- anyway i told myself not to affect so i could helped, since i was asked. i managed to received thanks and was happy that i actually done something after sacrificing my sleep. no sunrise, but saw rainbow. it was said, its kinda more rare. although its monday, i saved someone not getting monday blues just by helping. had a nap from 9am- 12am and prepared for interview at 2pm. i reached 30minutes late, and the Q was like super long -.- i went home of course. without eating lunch and dinner. i was kinda worried my mother is going to nag again -.- so i find ways to get out of the house, but was failed. she ate my potato chips, lays salt and vinegar -.- which i had a hard time getting it because those mama shops and the ntuc below my house they dun sell that =/they keep throwing me jobs, as if interview is free -.- i havent get over about why the first interview didnt want to call the second time, so i could pick up? or at least called my mother, to inform as i gave them as a form of emergency who they can contact. and i thought i was back to normal this morning as i decided to throw everything behind me and not turn back, but somehow situation dun always happened the way i want it to be. i had to gave up alot of things and i am trying super hard.

10:46 PM

it continues to stain, why?.

Sunday, November 18, 2007
we even lost sight of things we've seen before,

okay! i am naggy i am irritating i am .. what else? its a pain to be labelled as this as that. i am me kay, dun u know i am in trouble? or does that mean someone that are able to analyse a situation no matter how big, solve it...dun have a problem of its own? why none would like to listen what i have to say. of course i cant see my weakness, so please tell me and tell me at the right time. prom night is on 30th. i am not quite sure waht to wear and i probably dun have the money to buy anything. no job = no money, thats how practical life is. right now, i am like someone without a life. i wonder who could say something like " get a life and move on" or "wake up, idiot" sound harsh..but all the thoughts that i use to salvage myself, was kinda defeated by pessimists. probably i dun get to hear it from my loved ones. right? why am i asking a question, knowing nobody will answer. idiot !
after all, "message inbox : no new messages.

3:26 PM

it continues to stain, why?.

we even lost sight of things we've seen before,

on my birthday at sakae sushi, as usual without presents without much wishes and without candles to blow i have grown another year. i saw you, and that was all the happiness that i wanted. communication was okay. after all i dun bake such a nice cake, that cake not suppose to just taste nice but also felt the sweet sensation at the heart, but i fail to do so. expected that it turned out to be not nice. lisa suggest me to throw everything to bet on something that was a definte lost. i did, and lost of course. it was just an example, i dun mean you're the bet. but those was just to say for show, but it actually mean the opposite. the awarked-ness doubled up the distance, even further than the opposite ends of the earth. lisa told me not to care after the lost, i was really at lost to even care. accompanied zinc to cut his hair at marine parade, then go ktv at katong and they had katong laksa. zinc hair looked like a good boy, when he dun even look like one -.- he told me he had x girlfriend and was confuse regarding waht to do.ironic right? went slacking at playground and we talk about secondary school life -.- in my mind i was thinking my secondary school life, compared to your secondary school life.. mine was far more yucks compared to yours. my youth is running out la. %$@# shit ! if this goes on, i am going to give everyone a pen. unfortunately some gave me in return. pen leh -.- most terrible gift.
watched lovely complex, a romance animation. to believe i actually have the mood to do so. its about a tall girl 172 cm like this 156cm short guy.. they have alot to talk even when they are not attached. how cool eh? although i should be regret after doing so, but i dun felt regretted at all even its goodbye. bye bye right?.

11:20 AM

it continues to stain, why?.

Thursday, November 15, 2007
we even lost sight of things we've seen before,

there are so many things i wished it could happen between us. strolling on the beach, watch sunrise and sunset. cycling, of course a comfortable seat for you. riding to east coast and home. treats to icecream and chocolate fondue. walk in the rain with an umbrella. vivocity cinema and remove the armrest and watch romance comedy?.or cook home cooked dishes and dine at home.. etc.. all those whatever ideas... can delete them.. i dun think u want me in your memory. correct me, if i am wrong! my face was defintely thrown into tonnes of pieces.


1:20 AM

it continues to stain, why?.

we even lost sight of things we've seen before,


1:01 AM

it continues to stain, why?.

we even lost sight of things we've seen before,

you wrote that for yourself, i wrote this for myself and we both wrote for ourselves. joey was right, its all up to me. i pull out that little courage of me, which i magnify them turned small. when zinc told me those plans, although its kinda against it but i just lay them on the table and start betting on it. when i saw your small body, my courage turned small and zinc said something, as if a big tight slap was on me. at that moment, there are so much to consider, so much i would think about the possibility that could be. but i didnt, seriously all i need is the toilet. when i walked on the streets near my school, it seems like i am the centre of attraction. seriously if it was a movie, then i am the lead actor that just shi lian? that scene was so real with the music "yi ge ren". i could keep listening to "ri bu lou" as i am really happy but i think "yi ge ren" seems to displaced it. it almost almost alike to "jia zhuang" i wondered am i gifted with this brain of mine. able to analyse situation clearly but at times it went the extra mile trying to get all the possibilities which turned out to be fultile. it somehow turned out to be the trouble maker. it not only turned me to be extra careful or maybe the most, caring. but it also resulted to make me wishy-washy and frickle minded -.- zinc added, dun think so much about their's mind. you wont guess it right, it make me really want to give up almost you will and you dun have to.
now i am facing tremendous stress. last evening, i recieved a phone call just withing split second that i checked my phone. i remembered clearly once i see no missed call, no messages i threw the phone back at the sofa and it rings. i couldnt hear the ringtone clearly cause the speaker was covered by my bed. =/ when i took the phone up, it stopped ringing. i called back throughout the night, it went engaged the whole day, till even like now -.- it no doubt, the job that i interviewed called. i waited the whole day just to hope they will call back. my mother says why wait, find other job la. agrh.... and keep add the stress from my sis to me. she is far more worst kay, she own $xxx to the m1 company, and i pay nearly every month kay. i also want money, who dun wnat -.- thats the bad part, she knows basketball too kay. she baby throw the orange to my sis, as she is sooo lazy to like eat, and keep hugging the computer =/ she also know overhead throw hor. she keep naggy chinese idioms to me telling me not to be lazy. my mother really can make u laugh out loud. i think i seriously need a job right now, not only for the money but also to clear everything in my mind, just like 2 years ago.
i thought i would enjoy christmas this year with you. although singapore dun snow, there's other way to make it white christmas. i think i am too tired to think of those ideas. what i have now with me, is a handmade 3d christmas card, or an animated cartoon strip about you and me? the 9 strawberry unbaked cheesecake, was probably nothing..

12:41 AM

it continues to stain, why?.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007
we even lost sight of things we've seen before,

couldnt wake up to get
prepared. 9
am and the
deadline is 1pm, i was
handed. saw
auntie alice
with my lok kok outfit, gathered
at 10
at 11. clock keeps
ticking, my
heart keep
and i keep
those buiscuit till i
blisters due to
=/ presentation was late, my bad.
plan was
ruined, but its okay.
my 5624615464
ideas, at
1 was
appreciated and captured, by
i rushed
to seek
company, went to simei
ITE find zinc, played his
psp and headed home
get some cash and
headed to
TP had
chicken chop and to TM
for a movie.
nel, got free
watched game
plan. i will want a
it and
probably get waht i
anyway, happy birthday. oops,
belated now. i guessed
i left some
words, un-spoken..

12:42 AM

it continues to stain, why?.

Saturday, November 10, 2007
we even lost sight of things we've seen before,

prepared for the worst, draw the line ! in-order to be sensitive, u must think a little more to satisfy other errors, but others will think its over thinking. this also cannot that one also cannot. you call me a friend and u duno about this? i understand why xy told me, one day i will get someone that understand me. not prepared for twelve, more ideas please and a success too.
all sorts of people also have, i've seen a person who love to create misunderstand and find happiness in creating -.- pervert right? i must adapt such a way that , i can withstand all sorts of people and communicate well with them, i somehow managed that pervert and also with the help from nic. i declare i am not a perfect person, so hate me if u want now. dun befriends le, and spot dao weakness and runaway -.- irritation.
what if...?
*link geography to changes in human, last time policeman wears shorts kay -.-

12:44 AM

it continues to stain, why?.

Friday, November 09, 2007
we even lost sight of things we've seen before,

interview was okay, 1 bad news and 1 good news. bad news, there are 44 outlets and they can put me in any... as far as, very far -.- good news is, i dun think my performance in the interview ruined my application. =p praying hard, to get somewhere near, tampines, pasirris or simei will do. =D call me soon! my hand still aches till now,due to basketball games. okay i admit i dun do excerise regularly =/ and that leads to couldnt sleep well. yesterday east coast park was not fun but fun, not fun because i didnt want to go in the first place, fun because its fun la =x its not easy to express thru words. i didnt rent bike, cause its so not worth so played some cool games with them, tho i am slow but i get it quite fast kay. i had lots of thing in my mind that time and right now. =/ hongkong cafe was expensive, corner was so not cool, but i was noticed. thanks for that serving, tho you didnt did that for any intention la maybe you are just kind. i cant brood over it too, its impossible. i "eavedroppings" in directly but i was intentional kay, i know how to shut my mouth, but duno how to shut my ears while eating. i also guessed i said too much, but i know you wont blame me for that =x *do something wrong still want people to forgive me* i have to be more sensitive, if not i'm so afraid my words will hurt people like.. my future girlfriend? recieved call from zinc at 12 plus, he told me he saw her at pizza hut. so waht she is pretty, and those staff at pizza hut think so too? i've changed but its all too late. my pillow was pressed hard, i think back those memories. sat in the cold aircon bus and a slight push cause there was an incoming car. my negative caused it. nothing end it. the biggest problem, it never started at all. i seriously didnt sleep well. distance is not a problem when speed overcome time. i will overcome all obstacles just to reach you.

9:08 AM

it continues to stain, why?.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007
we even lost sight of things we've seen before,

can u imagine, i woke up so early today just to go to market? suprise eh? i'm done with the papers, now i only cant wait patiently for results.
yesterday was kinda nonsense, starting with the bus early morning. the engine keep breaking down =/ but wasnt late. dnt paper was suprisingly tough, luckily alot people think so. this time really hope moderation help. i went home at 1, i do spring cleaning kay. i throw away all the notes that were accumulate like a pile, messy that i cant be bothered. the process is not easy kay. basketball game was cancelled, due to the weather? people say my mum is cool, and she told my sis, she is going to wake me up at 530 even without papers just to use computer. hahas, she can make u laugh out loud kay!
romance will turn into love after it, cultivate. however if the process is being repeated, it will become habit, routine. i dun want to be mundane with you, i can say all these now cause i wanted love but if i got love, i might not say the same thing? so i need your support, your encouragement, i really want to believe you and me can make this happen. off to prepare baking, and interview at 1pm and basketball game at 4pm.
黑暗中我祈求奇迹 有愛的人不放棄 一定有希望 藏在某個角落裏等你

8:53 AM

it continues to stain, why?.

Saturday, November 03, 2007
we even lost sight of things we've seen before,

labouring is tough, giving birth is tougher, to raise a kid is even tougher. the pain that cannot be describe and felt by any men in this world. i might know alot of things about females and relationships, even people question me out of curiousity, why am i still single? i have to always smiled to them and said i duno. i always blamed on time, maybe its not the time. blame on other things, but i realise i am the one to blame. although i cant completely accept it, but i'm trying gradually. maturity will not occur in a blink of eye, experience too. i can be thoughtful, but i am careless at times too.
went to have lunch with P at void deck. end up we played poker cards. so P decided to do a fortune telling on me about relationship, i agreed. the results were kinda nonsense? i only believed halfway as there is not logic explanation. you can say it's excuses but i prefer to live life this way.
so O helped me out with SS later after P went home. eventually we didnt studied, instead we chat. naturally we chat about relationship, because i caught O red-handed and wanted to know the details. it's not what i expect, the happy ending. anyway O is strong and is not depressed about the imperfect. i duno why i suddently will say " shi ni de jiu shi ni de, bu shi ni de jiu bu shi ni de" so O says " if ni dun go try, it will never be ni de"
14/10: G says "u dun think u can or u dun want to try? dun always think that nobody will like u. must work towards your happiness"
G & O. i understand you know? but things might not always happen the way i want it to be. people have choice, i cant force my way to find happiness right?
one of my dream is to become a father, reason why, said before. anyway.......

4:19 PM

it continues to stain, why?.

Friday, November 02, 2007
we even lost sight of things we've seen before,

5 centimeters per second. a romance animation. its about a girl and a boy attends the same elementary school and became close friends, however they have to be seperated due to their parents. they decided to meet finially at a particular day at the train station.. and the story goes on like this..... experience yourself, only 3 episodes.
what the most ideal romance shows/ movie / animation? couple find so hard to find each other, been through hardships and live happily ever after./ couple live happily together but have to seperate in the end. / exciting triangular relationship causing the main couple to be in a delimma / romance filled with hatred?/ distance relationships... or whatever that u can add into the list.
the sudden distance i felt.. i dun wish to live with regret this time. only you can help me.
before the shadows behind us finish stretching, run away
without them noticing the feathers that fell from us, fly away
a sweet scent from far away around a street corner
a crying voice i thinki've heard somewhere before
riding on the fleeting hopes carried by the night wind
how far can we go?
to stop us from doing that, the world shakes,
and takes everything from us
if this was a dream, we would have woken
but nothing has happened. advance!
my mind was filled by you, you and you.

10:01 PM

it continues to stain, why?.

we even lost sight of things we've seen before,

3 more papers, 2 more days and 1 last lap. i'm happy and scared now. happy because O level is reaching to an end soon, scared because of my performance, afraid couldnt get into tp.
my sister has been jobless for 1 month, she's been sitting at home hugging the labtop.. and just told me soon going to spoill liao, cause heard funny sound... and the internet will be gone soon, no money pay for bills.. %#@$!@ if it is going to happened, i am gonna start missing you.
lots of things happened within this week:
i helped a primary school boy tie his shoelace.
witness obscene scene with people B & C.
ate mac late at night around 11 plus with people D & E
went to tp x times.
had an empty stomach for y hours and z days
avoidance of E & F
couple-ing of G and G1
unexpected H
& plan ruined of I
had a good night sleep on 31/10

5:16 PM

it continues to stain, why?.